Being Obedient & Giving It All To God

Free Stock photos by Vecteezy

I've always been a pretty obedient person. My siblings may disagree, but for as long as I can remember, I've tried to do the right thing. I'm definitely a rule-follower, mostly because of the fear of getting in trouble and having to pay the consequences! 

Father Burke Masters identified 2 things that are required in order to be obedient: 

1. Listen to God through prayer and Scripture

2. Ask for strength to follow His will. 

His follow-up questions to Samuel 15:16-23 really made me think about my obedience to God's will and if I'm even aware of it as I go throughout my day. I give the first part of my day to Him in prayer and Scripture...then what? Then I'm off to the races, concerned about what I have to do during the day, not paying very much attention to His will and His plan for me. 

Asking for the Grace to Accept His Will

When my husband was first diagnosed, I immediately prayed for the grace to accept His will and His plan for us. I have no idea where that came from; it wasn't a conscious thought, for sure. Some time through the year that prayer dropped. It's still in my head, but it isn't a daily prayer anymore and I haven't asked someone to pray for that for me in a while. I think I've fallen into the old routine; he's doing well and we haven't received bad news in months. I know I should pray for that grace every day, in all things I do. I'm ashamed to admit that it isn't one of my daily prayers.

What about "In-Between" Time?

Am I aware of God's will/plan throughout my day? I realize I'm blindly walking throughout my day without much thought to what HE wants me to be doing or thinking. Like I said, I give the first part of my day to Him and I pray intentions as I'm walking the dog. I also have attempted to use BAKER as my daily examen at night, but sometimes I'm just so tired that it doesn't get done. Yet, that's when I need it the most. 

What about the in-between? What about when I'm doing the mundane chores that have to be done every day? How can I give those to God? 

• I am definitely not the most patient person in the world. My job as a school-based Speech-Language Pathologist requires patience. As retirement closes in, I find I'm becoming less patient with my little ones and that's not fair to them. One thing I can do is silently (because it's public school) say a prayer asking God to give me patience before the session begins. 
• When I get home and there are dishes in the sink, instead of grumbling, I can thank God that my husband is here and is able to eat. 
• When the recycling bag is full and needs to go into the bin, I can give God thanks for this earth where He has allowed us to live. 
• While cooking supper, I can express gratitude that we have enough food to eat. 
• Usually, after we eat, I'm the one cleaning up. Every now and then 1 of my sons (who is living with us right now) will help by clearing the table and loading the dishwasher. Cleaning the cooking utensils is usually done by me. This is the time when I can give thanks that our bellies are full, as well as giving thanks that we have running hot and cold water.
• While driving, I can pray for the person in front of me/beside me/behind me. 
• In the grocery store, if there's a line, I can say an Our Father or Hail Mary for the people waiting in line with me.

In addition, Fr. Mark-Mary (Franciscan Friars of the Renewal) suggests a mid-day examen. He calls it the 3x5 examen. You can see him explain it in this YouTube clip:

I think I can take 5 minutes from my lunch time to review the first part of the day. What about you? Do you have any other suggestions for remembering God's will/plan during your day?

Thanking God For My Brokenness

Image courtesy of SundaySocial.tv via The Bible App from YouVersion 

 As I reflected on Mark 2:17 (Jesus heard this and said to them that, "Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do. I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.") I had the thought that I should thank God for my brokenness...for my sinfulness. Wait...what??? Thank Him for my imperfections? I'm striving to be the person He wants/expects me to be...why would I thank Him for my failures?

Here are my thoughts: Yes, God wants us to strive to be who He made us to be. He also knows our weaknesses and He challenges us to grow closer to Him through exposing them. If we achieve perfection, would we need Him? We might need Him to maintain the perfectness, but if we are truly perfect there would be no need for Reconciliation. 

Only 2 people on this earth were perfect: Jesus & Mary. Even though Jesus is God, He still prayed to God. And you know Mary kept in close contact with Him. God made us with our weaknesses...with our brokenness. He gives us free will to come to Him or not. 

I find such humility in my weakness. When I feel like I'm doing well with living as He wants me to, something happens. It may be a word from my husband or one of my children that reels back into reality. It might be that I let my guard down and say or do something incredibly stupid. I'm reminded that I have such a long way to go, but I'm also reminded how much He loves me. How He allows me to be a sinner and to be broken so I will continue to search for Him. How He teaches me that in my sinfulness He blesses me with His Grace. 

In his book Broken + Blessed, Fr. Josh Johnson relays a vision (if you will) about Jesus coming to his house. When Jesus first knocks on the door, Fr. Josh is reluctant to let Him in. Then, when he allows Him in, he only shows Jesus the "good" rooms; the places in his life where he fed the hungry, clothed the naked and welcomed strangers. When Jesus asked to go into the other rooms, He was told that they were messy, filled with all of the sins of his life. Jesus wants to be invited to those rooms, too. He wants to have a chance to tell us that no matter what we've done and no matter how we'll sin in the future, He still loves us.

We all need to be reminded that we are loved...by our spouse, children, friends. In revealing our brokenness, we are reminded that Jesus loves us and will always love us...especially in our sinfulness. What mercy and compassion He shows us! 

The next time you are humbled by your brokenness/sinfulness, thank God. Yes, thank Him. Thank Him for those messy rooms in your life that allow you to crawl back to Him in shame and humility. Thank Him for not being perfect, for it is in those times you seek Him. Thank Him for your brokenness.

Book Review: Broken + Blessed: An Invitation to My Generation

The following is a review of the book "Broken + Blessed: An Invitation to My Generation" by Father Josh Johnson. I received no compensation for this review; all opinions are my own.

This book may be designated as an invitation to Fr. Josh Johnson's generation, but don't let that stop you if you are old enough to be his parent or even his grandparent. I heard of Fr. Josh from a podcast and then subscribed to the Ask Fr. Josh podcast. It is so uplifting to see a young priest who just wants people of any age to know God and to have a personal relationship with Him. That is what this book is all about. Fr. Josh intertwines his own experiences with scripture, Saints, and practical ways to get closer to God. The personal experiences keep it relatable, no matter your age.

Perfect for Small Groups or Individuals

I enjoyed the format of the book. First, Fr. Josh identifies a difficulty and then relates it to a personal experience. Each chapter ends with an Invitation to Prayer followed by questions, which makes it a perfect book for small groups. Or, individuals can reflect on the questions and use one, some, or all of them as journal prompts. I found each chapter to be very interesting and came away with ways to increase my prayer life and grow closer to God.

Even though he hasn't been a priest for a long time, Fr. Josh has such words of wisdom. Yet he remains so humble. He talks about his struggles with his own prayer life and his life in general. I saw a lot of myself in situations that he spoke of. Millennials have such an advantage over my generation: They have access to priests on social media that we didn't have.

Breaking Down the Book

In the Introduction, Father Mike Schmitz describes Fr. Josh as "authentic". The reader definitely gets that vibe from this book. Here is a man who understands that his brokenness is just like ours.

In the chapter Intimacy with God, Fr. talks about knowing who God is versus actually knowing God. He puts it in completely understandable language. He is able to use pop culture so it is relatable to everyone, regardless of age. He also brings in the lives of the Saints to drive his message home.

This book hits on so many different topics: humility, truly knowing God, Lectio Divina, the brokenness of the Catholic Church as an institution, divorce & annulment, inviting God into your life completely (despite the messiness), vices, praying the Rosary, suggestions on how to pray, as well as how to make prayer a priority.

In the chapter Breaking the Chains of Sin, we are given excellent advice on how to break out of the trap of envy. Included is the Litany of Humility with the suggestion of substituting the person's name for "other". Also included in the Invitation to Prayer section at the end of this chapter is an excellent examen of conscience using 1 Corinthians:13:4-6.

I often will give a book away after I have finished reading it, telling the person to pass it on. Not this book. I will keep it to refer back to; however, I plan on buying a couple of copies to give to my sons to read...just in case!

When You're the Only Practicing Catholic in the House

I listened to a Momcast podcast in which Allison Gingras and Danielle Bean were discussing when kids leave the faith. I have to say that I did get a little frustrated while listening. We are a family of 5: my husband, myself, and our three grown male children. Out of the 5 of us, I am the only practicing Catholic. My husband converted when the boys were young but he has since discontinued going to Mass. He's basically turned into a "C&E". Growing up, he didn't go to church regularly as opposed to me being in Mass every Sunday and Holy Day...and then some.

Just as the women said in the podcast, I, too, did all most of the right things when they were growing up: I taught the boys the same night prayers that I learned from my mom, we prayed the blessing before the meal, they went to CCD/Faith Formation faithfully, they received the sacraments. One thing that we didn't do is pray as a family other than before meals. I don't think I ever even taught my kids to pray the Rosary! Yep, I feel like a complete failure.

Wise words to remember

At least, I did until I heard a Homily at a Daily Mass. The school system where I work had a snow day so I was able to go to Mass that morning. The Gospel that morning was Mark 4:1-20, the parable of the sower. The Deacon said something that stuck with me and has given me some comfort. His words:
Our job is to sow the seed of God's word. It is not to determine if the seed we sow will grow. Like Jesus in today's gospel, our job is to cast the seed widely, to sow it with abandon and without concern for the cost, regardless of what we may think about the soil that's receiving it, leaving its growth to God.
We must never filter out those people we think will not be receptive to God's Word. Our efforts are never wasted, even if it seems so to us. 
God can change hearts, softening even the hardest ground and transforming it into a rich, fertile soil that will nurture the seed we have sown.

When I start asking myself "What did I do wrong?" and when I start feeling a little resentful of my husband for not being the Catholic Husband I want him to be, I remember the Deacon's words. When I remember those times of loneliness of sitting alone in the pew with the boys (before my husband converted) and then alone in the pew the past few years, I remember the Deacon's words. I can't make my husband or my boys go to Church. I can't make them share my beliefs. I can't force them to return to the Faith. God gave us all self-will for a reason.

Mass first...then Starbucks

More often than not, when I come home from Sunday Mass, I find my husband either still in bed or in front of his computer. Every now and then he will be out of the house, having taken his dog to the dog park. When we talk about going to Mass, he insists that he prays to God when he is out in the mountains as well as during everyday activities. My dad told him that going to Mass is a form of discipline. I told him that even though he prays, he isn't receiving the Eucharist. And I remind him before Christmas and Easter Masses that unless his sins have been absolved by a priest (since he missed Sunday Masses), he shouldn't receive Communion. I make no comments if he receives Communion...that's between God and him. When I come home from Sunday Mass with a Starbucks cup in my hand, at times he'll raise his eyebrows and ask where his is. My reply: You go to Mass, you get to go to Starbucks.

Maybe I'm not a complete failure

Out of the 3 boys, only 1 of them attends Mass every now and then. Even though he isn't a "practicing Catholic" (following the precepts of the Church), he is a strong defender of the Catholic Church. When he was in law school, he even attended a bible study. I was shocked when he asked me to buy him a study bible and even more shocked when he called me from France to tell me he went to confession at Notre Dame. He attended law school in a "very Catholic" region of the US so at least the Catholic Traditions were being followed.

While discussing religion as an entirety (not just the Catholic Faith), one of my sons said he doesn't want to be associated with "those people"...the hypocrites who claim to be Christian but don't act like it. I reminded him that people can tell he's a Christian by his actions. He mentioned that he didn't care for "structured religion". The picture of him so very carefully carrying the host up for the gifts during his First Communion Mass keeps popping into my mind. Afterward, he said he was so scared he was going to drop it. We have a picture of this little guy in a suit looking down so lovingly at the host as he carried it to the altar. Surely that little boy is still in there somewhere.

I honestly don't know where the other son stands. I'm afraid to ask him because I'm afraid of the answer. I invite him to Adoration with me every week and will keep inviting him.  I just feel that if I could get him into that Chapel even for just a little bit great things will happen for him.

I know they have it in them

All 3 of my boys and my husband are such good men with huge hearts. I know that I have sown that seed. It's just so hard to try not to determine if the seed will grow. I pray constantly for patience, hope, and trust in the Lord. In her latest series on rest, Sonja Corbitt tells us that it took years for God's promises to come to fruition. In this day of immediate gratification, it's so very hard to have patience and to not give up. Seeing all of my men return to the Catholic Faith is just too important to give up on.  Lisa Hendey said it perfectly: ...my family is best served spiritually when I concern myself less with how holy my husband and sons are and worry more about my own personal relationship with God. (from The Grace of Yes: Eight Virtues for Generous Living- Ave Maria Press) These are the words I have to remember when the doubts, sadness, and loneliness creep in. When those feelings start creeping in, what do you do? Do you have any words of wisdom that all of us may need to hear?

Deliver Me

The Struggle is Real

As a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) in the public schools, I have a pretty thankless job. The thanks I do receive is usually in the form of having a child "graduate" from Speech/Language Services. My school system (especially my special education coordinator) has tried on a monthly basis the past few years to spotlight some of her teachers/SLPs in different ways. A couple of SLPs appear to have been targeted for providing professional development, either in person or through technology. I'm really struggling with this. I have been an SLP for over 30 years and have had an enormous amount of different experiences that I could share with other SLPs and teachers. I bust my tail each and every day for my school system and have learned about technology in order to "work smarter, not harder". Yet I am overlooked. Therein lies the struggle.

It's All About HIM

The past couple of weeks God has certainly been sending me messages. It's not all about me. The reason I am in my profession is for Him. I have to remember why I am an SLP...not for the recognition but to serve HIM. It all started to hit home for me during the Gospel Readings about John the Baptist. No doubt John was an important part of Jesus' ministry by paving the way. Did he ever once say, "What about me?" "Doesn't anyone see what I'm doing?" It would appear that he didn't...he pointed the way to Jesus. I am no John, for sure. I am also nowhere near being able to emulate Jesus. Even Jesus didn't want recognition, he wanted it all to go to God the Father. His whole purpose in becoming man was to bring people closer to God and to save our souls.

A Life-Altering Recommendation

I was at a diocesan CCW meeting last week. Our spirituality commission chair is a wonderful young sister. She began our opening prayer and subsequent talk on...you guessed it...humility and doing everything for God, not for recognition. Our president then followed up on the same topic. I'm fairly certain that they didn't coordinate ahead of time. As we queued up for lunch, I found myself right in front of Sister and I mentioned how I needed to hear what she said because I was really struggling with it. She recommended that I read the book Interior Freedom by Jacques Philippe. She said that she's read it several times; it helps her put things in perspective. As soon as I sat down, I pulled out my phone and ordered it. I've started reading it but am taking it slow so I can digest what I'm reading. If it helped Sister, I have no doubt it will aid me in keeping focused. 

The president ended with her report with this prayer that I will be adding to my morning prayers:

"O my God, teach me to be generous, to serve you as you deserve to be served, to give without counting the cost, to fight without fear of being wounded, to work without seeking rest, and to spend myself without expecting any reward, but the knowledge that I am doing your holy will. Amen." — St. Ignatius of Loyola

The Epitome of Humility

As I read Saturday's mass readings, the thought occurred to me that these didn't really relate directly to the whole "make sure you're doing it for God" theme. I have to admit that I was a little disappointed. I wanted God to talk to me and to remind me that it's not about me. (And by feeling that way I made it all about me!) Then I read the reflection in my Magnificat. Father Jean-Nicolas Groll, S.J. wrote, 

Oh how true it is that to be anything in the sight of God we must be nothing, we must pretend to nothing, we must only desire to be ignored, forgotten, despised, and considered as the most vile and abject thing in the world.

He continues by encouraging us to show devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary, who is the epitome of humility and sacrifice. Once again, God didn't let me down! 

Humility.

Shortly after the new year, I looked through the prayers in the front of my Blessed is She Planner (which is great, by the way! It has everything a working-which pretty much includes all of us!-Catholic woman needs in a planner/calendar.) and ran across The Humility Prayer. Well, I immediately had an "earworm"; you know, a song that is stuck in your head that you just can't get out. Audrey Assad performs I Shall Not Want on an album. I've been listening to it almost every day on my way to work just as a reminder. 

It's All About Community

i

I'm so busy dealing with my own salvation that I forget about my responsibility to others. Salvation isn't just about me...it's about everyone I meet. Not just those I meet on a daily basis, but even those who may enter my life for a fleeting second.
We are called to evangelize, to spread the news of God. In today's First Reading (Ezekiel 33:7-9), I applied it in my life as meaning that if we have the opportunity to evangelize but don't say anything, we are responsible for that person not being saved. But...if we say something and that person chooses to ignore, they are accountable.

I have a co-worker whom I have seen at Mass. I mentioned to her that I didn't realize she was Catholic, and she said she wasn't; the man she is seeing is so she has been coming to Mass. (The times I have seen her, she was coming back from communion but I didn't make it a point to watch to see if she was taking the Eucharist, or if she had her arms folded.) She said she enjoys coming to Mass but doesn't understand all of it. I invited her to look into RCIA, and gave her Sister's name to call at the church office if she was interested. We were around a group of people, so I didn't want to say anything about her taking communion. I decided I would wait until I see her alone and bring it up. It also gave me time to think of how to word what I needed to say. I'm going to start by telling her that I'm not judging, just informing. That was mainly because I didn't know if she was taking communion. Last week, however, I didn't play in the choir and was sitting in the congregation when I saw her go to communion and take the Body & Blood of Christ. Now, I feel that it is imperative that I speak with her, only I haven't had time. I need to make the time to talk to her. I can't be so busy that I can't find a couple of minutes to talk to her. Am I nervous about it? Absolutely. I'm more nervous that she will say something & I won't know the right words to say back to her, but this is a discussion that needs to happen...soon.

That takes us to the Second Reading (Romans 13:8-10) and the Gospel (Matthew 18:15-20). We should love our neighbors enough to care about their salvation. Even those people we don't particularly care for deserve to be saved. I don't know about you, but being a cradle Catholic, when a Protestant friend comes up to me and spouts off Bible verses and starts talking about Jesus, I get uncomfortable. To me,  your faith is personal and is unique to each person. We don't have to say anything to evangelize...actions speak louder than words. And, as St. Francis is attributed as saying: "Preach the Gospel at all times and if necessary, use words." BINGO! That is exactly what I think the Readings are saying! Always be preaching. I'm so guilty of acting one way in the work place and another way at home. At work, I try to be all sunshine & roses, and by the time I get home I'm over it. My poor husband takes the brunt of it. It's not easy to preach all the time; in fact, it's quite exhausting. Jesus didn't say it would be easy, though.

In the Gospel, we're given a plan. If someone wrongs us, we are to go directly to that person. If he can't be swayed, then we get a couple of people to go back with us and try again. If that doesn't work, we get the church involved. (That had me a little puzzled, until the Deacon mentioned in RCIA that "church" meant "community".) If that doesn't work, then we make them aware of the estrangement. To me, this means that at some point you have to let go for your own sanity. If you've gone through every step you can to reconcile, then it's time to back away and continue to pray for that person. I'm not a confrontational person; in fact, I avoid it at all costs.  In reading the meditation from Magnificat, Pope Francis says that "This approach is one of sensitivity, prudence, humility, attention towards the one who committed a fault, to avoid wounding or killing the brother with words." In his Homily, Father said that he is often the last to know that someone isn't happy with him, because that person rarely comes to him and tells him. He finds out 3rd or 4th hand. When you go to that person who wronged you, you do it out of love. When you go to someone else and that person goes to another person, and so on, you may be destroying that person. As Pope Francis said, "words can kill". I am guilt of gossiping (I don't know anyone who isn't), but I do have a responsibility to stop gossip. I heard someone say that if you tell 1 person you're venting, but if you tell more than 1 person, you're gossiping. Oh, but isn't it so easy to "vent" to a few people at a time? And, couldn't it be avoided if you just went to that person and discussed the problem? Hmmmm...seems like I read that in today's Readings!
As Father summed up the Second Reading: "There is no evil in love". I had the pleasure of listening to Father Leo Patalinghug last year at our Diocesan CCW Convention. His advice is to pray for the person we don't care for. How can you dislike someone you're praying for? Good, sound advice!

I don't think the Readings are telling us to have the weight of the world on our shoulders. It's not telling us to be anxious about trying to save everyone. It is telling us to act like a Christian, be humble, sensitive, prudent, and attentive. Or, as Matthew Kelly puts it: "Be the best version of ourselves". If we do that, others will take notice and will want to emulate us. It's our responsibility to show that love and to spread the Gospel. It doesn't have to be with words; actions will do.

22nd Sunday in Ordinary Time: Being Humble

I opened up my journal this morning, and right away saw a verse that related very nicely to last week's Readings on salvation. Then I saw that there was only 1 Reading and the Gospel on the page. It was then I realized that I had started reading tomorrow's Readings...Oops. And that is why this blog is called "The Not So Perfect Catholic".
After I flipped the page and started reading the correct Readings, there was a line that jumped out at me: "and alms attone for sins." (Sir 3:29) As I've said before, I'm not a theologian, and I have a tremendous amount to learn, but, I wondered if that was where the early church got the idea that they can buy their way into heaven?
The Gospel goes on to tell us that we have to be humble in order to get that prize. Here we have Jesus, who was no doubt invited to the dinner just so the guests could look at him a little closer and see what this guy was all about. But then, Jesus turns the table on these people who were probably invited to the dinner because of who they were, and their status in the community. Jesus stressed that it's necessary for us to be humble, and not be caught up in human rewards, honors, and status. ePriest says that "humility brings discontent and conflict; human rewards are limited in time and quantity; they can't satisfy our soul." We are to "trust in the Lord- don't seek to be rewarded in earthly things." 
Today's world is all about ME. We try to fulfill our happiness with material things; things that make us feel good at the moment. Jesus offers us eternal happiness- as long as we can center our lives around Him.
As I listened to the Deacon begin to read the Gospel, this thought came to me: We are to humble ourselves so we are invited to sit by God in everlasting life. I was reminded of the time when a friend asked me to think about being a Eucharistic Minister. I told her that I didn't think I was worthy enough to even touch the host, much less distribute the body and blood of Christ. Her response: None of us are. Shortly after that, I became a Eucharistic Minister.
The Priest began his Homily with the quote at the beginning of this post. He then asked why is humility so important? Our hearts must have the right disposition; there is "no room for God in a heart that is full of himself". Wow. I'm not sure if he came up with that on his own, but if he did, just...WOW. 
Father ended the Homily by saying that we must pray for the humility to be led where God wants us, and use our gifts to serve Him. We are to conduct our affairs with humility throughout our week. We are all called to different vocations; God has given us gifts for those vocations. I have to remind myself of this often: We are to use those gifts for the glory of God; not for accolades for ourselves. 
I'm not sure if anyone else does this, but there are times when I read the Readings and a song pops into my head. This morning, I couldn't get this one out of my head:

Have a fantastic week! Go out and fulfill your obligations...giving all the glory to God!

21st Sunday in Ordinary Time: Working on Salvation

I used to refer people who asked me about being saved to the quote above. I haven't been asked in a long time about being saved. I'm not sure if it's because people automatically know I'm Catholic by the necklace I wear daily (it's a cross with miraculous medal in the middle), or if they just don't care if I'm saved or not! But that's a whole different topic for another day.

This week's readings remind us not to get caught up in "being saved", or, thinking that we are. We aren't to get too comfortable in thinking that we're going straight to heaven just because we do the right things, like go to Mass every Sunday & Holy Day. During the homily, the deacon said something that made me slap my forehead. During the teaching in the Gospel, Jesus says that there will be some who say "We ate and drank in your company..." (Luke 13:26)Just going through the motions isn't going to cut it. Just going to communion (eating and drinking in Jesus' company) doesn't mean we have our ticket to heaven punched. We have to live the Gospel; live as Jesus wants us to live. 
I was listening to Lino Rulli on the Catholic Channel (Sirius XM) the other day, and he talked about the narrow gate. He likened it to the Olympic Athletes...only the most fit athletes go to the Olympics. To get through that gate, we have to be fit...and we have to train for it our whole lives. As Father Greg Friedman mentioned in the daily reflection video on the USCCB website, It's a "mistake to sit back and think you're in". He goes on to say that it's not who you know or if you get there first. We're called to openness & hospitality; we're called to mercy.  ePriest   suggested that we pray for happy deaths. Lately, that's what I've been doing. My father is in his 90's, and while he's in incredible shape for that age, I know it won't be too much longer before he passes away. My greatest prayer for him is that he will have a happy death. ePriest also suggested that we pray for the "grace to persevere until the end". We can't give up on God if we want salvation. We can't judge others...we have to "attend to our own soul". 
As the deacon said during his Homily, there are 168 hours in a week. we have to give every hour to him, not just 1 hour on Sunday. He pictured Jesus saying "What planet are you on?" when he does something that is questionable. When something isn't convenient, that's when God is working through us the most. He is asking us to give of ourselves in His name. He left us with this thought: "Have we shown enough, done enough that Jesus will recognize us as being from His planet?"
As I read through the Readings this morning, this song from Matthew West kept going through my head:

18th Sunday in Ordinary Time

Well, today's readings couldn't have come at a better time! I had a discussion just yesterday with some friends of mine who are in the Speech Pathology field, and we were talking about re-evaluating our online stores. Or, rather, re-evaluating how much time we're putting into making materials and putting them online. As we're getting older, we're realizing making a buck just isn't all that important anymore.  Today's readings helped put things back in perspective for me. I'm not a business person; I'm a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP). So what if the younger ones are being lucrative with their online endeavors? Not only am I an SLP, but I'm a pretty darned good one. That's what God has called me to do. I don't make a lot of money, but I make enough.
I started thinking about the times growing up, and even well into adulthood when I felt inadequate because I didn't have "things" that other people I knew had. I remember asking my mother once if we were rich. Her response was that we may not be rich in money, but we were rich in love. When you're in 3rd grade and your friends all have the latest Nike tennis shoes while you have knock-offs, that's not very comforting. But, while some of my friends' fathers were rarely home, mine was home almost every night (except on those rare occasions he had to go out of town on business). My parents' marriage lasted for almost 62 years (my mom passed away 2 months shy of their 62nd anniversary). So, yeah, we had a LOT more than some of my friends had.
During his Homily, the priest said that he used to tell people that he's never seen a u-haul being towed behind a hearse...until Facebook. We've all heard the phrase "you can't take it with you", but Father said it makes a difference what we do with what we have today. We'll always want more; the good parents aren't the ones who give their kids everything they want, they're the ones who end up with an adult who makes good, moral decisions. (Well, he didn't say "moral", but I'm throwing that in!) He quoted CS Lewis, "Nothing is truly ours until we give it away." We have to give up the sense of "it's all about me" and turn everything over to God. In closing, he gave us a prayer of asking God to give us the courage and strength to let go of vanity and to seek the treasures of heaven.
That got me thinking about the beginning of the school year, or, really, the school year in general. My current special ed director is big on recognition; which is great, unless you're the one working your tail off and not getting any. That's when it's easy to fall into vanity; it's easy to complain about doing everything right & even going above and beyond but not getting recognized for it. I read a quote that is perfect for a reminder:

Do not seek to be regarded as somebody, don't compare  yourself to others in anything. Leave the world, mount the cross, discard all earthly things, shake the dust from off your feet. - - - St. Barsanuphius

In other words, get over yourself and put your big girl panties on.
ePriest discussed how material things split our hearts in many pieces, thus pulling our love in as many places. It's impossible to love 1 thing when our hearts are pulled in so many different ways. "Our heart is capable of loving multiple persons and God, but only to the degree it is capable of focusing on one of them. When we love God first, our love for others increases in intensity." It's not that material things are all bad, but we have them to use to fulfill God's plan for us. We are encouraged to "take stock of our loves to make sure they don't compete with love of God."
This week, I hope to take stock in what St. Barsanuphius said and, as Matthew Kelly would say, be the best version of myself.

In Your Face

 I had a rough end of the day yesterday. It was the last full day of school for the students. I thought I had done pretty well this year about not getting stressed out during the last week of school. I kept to myself for the most part, so things were going okay.

But then, “it” hit the fan. I found out about some personnel changes at both of my schools for next year. I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t trust God with these changes. My first instinct for one of them was to voice my opinion to my principal, which I did. I know good & well that it’s not going to change anything, but I thought the principal needed to know about some things.

Honestly, if someone had come up to me last night with a job offer with at least the same salary I’m making now, I would’ve taken it. And it wouldn’t have mattered if it was in my field or not.

I was pretty bummed last night with the changes. First off, most of the time, I don’t do well with change. I am finishing my 30^th year working in the public schools, so you would think I’d be used to it by now. But I’m not.

This morning, when I opened the Mass Readings for today, this is the first thing that hit me:

“Do not complain, brothers and sisters, about one another,
that you may not be judged.”James 5:9

Holy Crap! Are you kidding me??? Ok, Lord, I hear you! I need to trust in YOU; You alone know what is best for me. I need to turn it over to You.

Talk about “in your face”! I just couldn’t believe it. If that’s not the Lord talking to me, then I don’t know what it is.

Then, as I read the meditation from The Word Among Us, it was hit home. If we look at the person as equals in God’s eyes, we’ll see details we may have missed. It just so happens that this person’s spouse has been diagnosed with a debilitating, critical disease.  (I didn't know this when I spoke with my principal & I'm not sure that he knows.) So, it’s possible that with that person having a different assignment, it may be easier to take care of the spouse.  The meditation ended with the following: Be patient with each other just as God is patient with us.

So, I said my Rosary on the way to work, and walked in the door on my last day before summer vacation with a smile on my face and cheer in my voice. I’m working hard to place all of my trust in God. 

Words from Lent

As I reflected on Lent, several key words popped out several times throughout my Blessed is She On the Way Journal. These words/phrases helped define my Lenten Journey and helped me have the best Lent of my life so far.

Do not let my heart be drawn into worshipping other gods. (Deuteronomy 30:17) I defined the gods in my life as social media, as well as my profession (Speech Language Pathology). My goal for Lent was to cut back on social media; not cut it out completely, but reduce the use and use it to profess my faith. Even though I’m in the last phase of my career, I had been spending an awful lot of time on my professional blog, as well as making materials to sell on a teacher website. It was definitely an “out” after my mother’s passing (July, 2014), so it was time to put that aside and delve into reality. I drastically cut back on those things; I closed my laptop and addressed things in the house that needed to be addressed. When my laptop was open, it was used mostly for devotions or checking out Catholic-related sites.

Forgiveness. I was forgiven by a former coworker who acknowledged a letter I sent to her; she accepted my apology and expressed forgiveness. Will we ever be best friends? No, but I think hope that we both will be there for each other should we ever be in that situation.

Free Will. God gives us everything, but we have to decide to take it. We have no control over what someone else is doing; all we can do is pray and ask God to lead him back on the right path. I’m a bit of a control freak, so this is something I have a very hard time with. Around my calendar I have the phrases, Jesus I trust in You, as well as Lord, I give this to you. And I have prayed those prayers every single day since I wrote them around my calendar.

Humility. This word resounded all throughout Lent, and culminated by the washing of feet on Holy Thursday. I felt the humility of the people having their feet washed by the priest, as well as the humility of the priest.

God has a plan. WOW. Just how awesome this is hit home for me while we were at the beach for Spring Break. My husband & I walked onto the beach, looked up, and were amazed at the stars. It makes you realize just how small we are, but for each one of us, He has a plan. We just have to pray that he shows that plan to us, and that we have the awareness and the courage to follow that plan.

Fear. Fear of peer pressure, fear of not knowing the right words to say if I’m confronted about my faith, fear of being persecuted for my beliefs. A couple of weeks ago, we read about Susanna who was falsely accused but faced her fear and put it in God’s hands, and Daniel who faced the fear of being ridiculed for standing up for her. I pray for their courage during those moments when I’m afraid.

Silence. Having come from a family with 9 siblings, there was rarely a moment of silence in our house when I was growing up. Silence is a very difficult thing for me. I have to have some kind of noise in the background during my day. This Lent, I tried going to sleep without the tv being on. The only time I had it on was when my husband was out of town, so I think I did okay with this. I rarely had the tv on during Lent, saving my tv time for certain shows. (My husband would question the quality of one of the shows I watch, but that’s beside the point!)

I learned so much this Lent. As far as God’s plan for me, I’m still trying to listen and do His will. I’m still trying to listen to His word and live every day as He would have me. I’m no theologian; in fact, I think my Catholic education was greatly lacking. I have a lot on which to catch up.

Did you have the same words speaking to you during Lent? How different were the words you heard?

Palm Sunday

I chose to hit the snooze button when my alarm went off this morning, instead of getting up so I would have time to go over the Readings before Mass. My reasoning: I’ve heard the Passion of our Lord at least 50 times; I think I pretty much know what it says. I remember the first time when saying out loud “Crucify Him” bothered me. I remember there were years when I refused to say those words. But, it’s necessary for us to say those words, because we crucify Jesus over and over with our words, actions, and even our thoughts.

As I listened to the Gospel this morning, these words ran through my mind: Humility. Peer pressure. Faith. Every time we say “Crucify Him”, we humble ourselves. Every time we say those words, we admit that we have sinned, sending Him to the cross. We are no better than the crowd that insisted Barabbas be set free while Jesus is doomed to die for us. FOR. US. We don’t want to see how we have sinned. How many times have we betrayed Jesus with a kiss, just as Judas did?  How many times have I been 2-faced with someone? How many times have I not treated someone with respect and haven’t seen Jesus in them…or better yet, haven’t let them see Jesus in me?

While the part of the Gospel where Peter denies Jesus 3 times was being read, I thought about the times that I’m out with friends and the talk turns to gossip. I thought about how I feel a bit uncomfortable, but then I push those feelings aside and listen; sometimes I even join in. I am guilty of betraying Jesus in those moments.

Pilate succumbed to peer pressure, just like we do. And we end up crucifying Him over and over again because of it. Pilate didn’t stand up for what he believed: that Jesus was innocent and didn’t deserve to be crucified. The people insisted that Jesus be put to death, even after Pilate told them more than once that he did not find him guilty of any crime. But then he backed down and gave the people what they wanted. He was scared to stand up for what he truly believed in and let them have their way. There have been many times when I’ve kept quiet about things that I knew weren’t right; times when I should have stood up for my beliefs and for Jesus, but I kept quiet. I wasn’t confident that I would have the correct answers. I wasn’t confident that I’d know what to say and would end up being ridiculed. I didn’t have faith.

We have faith that what we believe is the truth. We have faith that Jesus died for our sins so that we will one day see the kingdom of God. 

"Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom" Luke 23:42

Photo by Luis Ramos

4th Sunday of Lent

The Readings today had so many good messages. After I read and wrote down my thoughts, I read a couple of reflections. All 3 of them were somewhat different. I was excited to hear what take my parish priest was going to share with us.

My take:

Through our sins, we are like the son who takes everything and leaves. But God will always gladly take us back. He gives us everything and we take. We have to suffer in order to know just what we have. We have to swallow our pride and ask for forgiveness. This is where the Sacrament of Reconciliation comes in. There was a time when I didn’t think I needed to go to confession; I thought I could just confess my sins to God and be done with it. As Catholics, God gave us this beautiful Sacrament so that we could fully feel his forgiveness. It’s so much easier to just say in your head (or even out loud), “Oops. Sorry, God. I sinned. I know I shouldn’t have done that & I’ll try not to do it again.” BUT, how hard is it to sit face to face with another human being and tell them that you’re not perfect, that you’ve sinned and you’ve done things of which you’re ashamed? God allows us to humble ourselves before him and the priest by making a good confession. No matter what we’ve done or haven’t done, God is always there, ready and willing to take us back. Even for those of us who left the Church for a while, he is standing there with open arms. He is ready to give us more than he already has. We just have to be willing to take it.

Reflections:

One of the reflections I read spoke of happiness. The son who stayed and obeyed his father wasn’t happy. He would never be happy until he forgave his brother for leaving and coming back. He obviously wasn’t a parent, or else he would understand the joy his father felt when his brother came back. Bishop Robert Barron said, “When we fall out of love for God, we fall into hatred of one another.” How often do I feel this? During my “dry prayer periods”, I can definitely tell how intolerant I am of so many people; so many things. Yet, when I take time out of the day to read, reflect, and pray, my days go so much better and I’m so much more patient at work and at home.

Pope Francis said, “God’s patience has to call forth in us the courage to return to Him.” It does take courage to come back. The son who came back had to swallow his pride and find courage to go back to his father. He had no idea how he was going to be received. He probably expected to be treated like his brother treated him. How relieved he must have been when his father welcomed him with open arms!

If you’re a parent of grown children, you can probably relate to the father. I know I can. When one of your children goes out on his own, it’s hard for him to ask for help, and there are definitely times when we all need help! When my husband and I were just starting out, we had to ask our parents for help. Sometimes it was over stupid things that I did, like spending too much on Christmas and then needing some extra help with daycare the next month. It’s very hard to swallow our pride and ask for that help. It’s in humbling ourselves and receiving help that we become stronger and more compassionate.

 Homily:

 Unfortunately, I didn’t hear a lot of the Homily. Since I play flute during Mass, I sit with the choir, which was to the Priest’s back today. We had one of our former pastors celebrate the Mass this morning, and he chose to stand at the front of the altar to give the Homily. He is a little difficult to understand anyway due to him being a bit soft-spoken; so with his back to us it was very difficult to hear him. I wrote down 2 things in my Mass Journal: We are called to change to the light of God and Our joy in life comes from Reconciliation. I must have been meant to hear that last statement loud and clear, because when he said that, he actually looked over toward the choir when he said it.

“Our joy in life comes from Reconciliation.” Amen, Father…Amen! By humbling ourselves we will find joy. How wonderful it is that, as Catholics, we are able to truly humble ourselves by receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation and find joy!

How was your Homily today? I'd love to hear how it was different or the same!

The Baptism of Our Lord

Synopsis of Homily:
Jesus' Baptism kicked off his public ministry. John showed us the need for all of us to prepare the way to Jesus through his life. After Jesus was baptized, He prayed. The heavens opened and God spoke to him. Jesus marveled at people doing small things with great love. Obedience and humility begins with prayer. These days, the world scoffs at these things, but it is essential to have these things in your life in order to follow in Jesus' footprints. All of these things begin with Baptism. We are wiped of original sin through our baptism, but must call sin what it is: SIN. As Catholics, we have the blessing of having sin removed through Reconciliation.

My thoughts:
I'm the kind of person who does little things, but in all honesty, it seems like I just don't do enough. I know people who do big things and get noticed for it. But, is that really what it's all about? As Father said in his homily (quoting Blessed Mother Teresa): Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.  It's not up to us to do "big things". It's the little things that will be remembered. A smile, an encouraging word, or just to listen to someone. I find myself being selfish in so many ways, and I hear myself thinking, "I just don't have time." As my husband says quite frequently: we all have 24 hours in a day. It's your decision on how to spend it.
I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and realize things need to change. I need to do more "small things" and let other things go.
Obedience: as Catholics, obedience doesn't just mean going to Mass on Sundays and Holy Days. It means living our lives as Christians, and having people we see every day or have just met know that we are Christians by our words and actions.
Humility: Is there anything we experience more humbling than confessing to another human being? I'm far from perfect in going to Reconciliation. It's hard, isn't it? To go to your parish priest and bare your heart & soul, to let him know that you are far from perfect? But what relief we feel when we leave the confessional and receive absolution for our sins.
Prayer: When Father said that after Jesus prayed, the heavens opened up and he heard God speak, my thought was that it was exactly how it is for us: God speaks to us through prayer. It isn't one-sided; we have to be open to hear him. He may not say exactly what we want to hear, and he may speak to us in different ways, but he does speak to us.
I don't believe in coincidences. I truly believe what people perceive as a coincidence is God speaking to us. Just yesterday I received this in my email after making the decision to link this blog on my personal blog:

We have to be Brave. We have to be Obedient. We have to be Humble. And, we have to Pray.