Think about those times in your life when you have felt inspired to something really great. Where does that inspiration come from?
The Holy Spirit. God inspires us to do great things with our lives.
----Matthew Kelly

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Disclaimer: I am not a theologian, I'm just a Catholic empty nester trying to figure it all out. The views on this blog are my own.

Deciding How to Pick a Lenten Devotional Journal

Photo courtesy of Pexels
It's getting harder and harder to decide what to pick for my Lenten Devotional Journal. Who's with me? There are so many to choose from and not enough time to do it all. How do you decide? For me, there's the huge issue of "FOMO" (Fear of Missing Out); I see some that look really great on social media and I want to get them all. Unfortunately, Lent is only 40 days; last year it seemed to fly by. I wasn't ready for it to end because I enjoyed my Lenten journey.
Just a few short years ago I had trouble finding a Catholic Journal. There were plenty of Protestant Journals but none that were specific for Catholics. I think the first one I found was from Blessed is She. Now it seems like I get an offer for a different one every other day. Oh, sure, you can do your own journal by reading the Daily Mass Readings and writing down your thoughts (which is basically what I've started doing) but to me, Lent is different. I want a little more guidance during that liturgically time of the year. What follows is not an exhaustive list; included is some of the journals that I've found that may be of interest.

🕈 To the End: the story of sacrificial love Lenten Journal (Blessed is She). Written by BiS founder Jenna Guizar with Beth Davis and Nell O'Leary helping her out, the journal focuses on the Gospel of John 11-19. Included is a weekly examen and space to journal for Sunday Mass. Cost: $25 with free shipping in the USA. You can't go wrong with any of the journals from Blessed is She!

🕈 Give Up Worry for Lent: 40 Days to Finding Peace in Christ (Gary Zimak- Ave Maria Press). This journal presents scripture and advice based on scripture to let go of things beyond your control through 4 steps: Read, Reflect, Respond, Pray. This isn't technically a "journal" per se because there is no space in the book to write your thoughts. You'd need your own notebook for journaling. I'm going to remember this book for next year. Cost: $13.95 + $2.75 shipping

🕈 BEST LENT EVER Jounal (Dynamic Catholic). This journal is designed to use with the daily Lenten reflections that are delivered to your email box. There isn't a preview available on the website and the "About" section wasn't descriptive enough to be able to say more about it. I do love Matthew Kelly and everything the Dynamic Catholic crew is doing, so it's definitely worth a look. Cost: $14.95 + $5.95 shipping.

🕈 The St. Paul Center is offering a free online study: Genesis to Jesus. It explores how and why we should read the Bible. A participant workbook is offered for $16.00 + free shipping in the USA. Scott Hahn is "da bomb" when it comes to understanding our faith. When purchasing, one option is to also buy Dr. Hahn's book; I already had it. It's not necessary for the study but it appears to be a companion for further reading.
🕈 Remember Your Death A Lenten Devotional (Theresa Aletheia Noble, FSP- Pauline Books) This may seem a little morbid, but dying is a fact, and we need to be ready when our time on earth is up. This devotional isn't a journal; however, it does have a section for journaling in your own book. Cost: $16.95 + $3.75 shipping.

🕈 Lenten Gospel Reflections (Bishop Robert Barron- Word on Fire). A friend gave me the Advent version which was awesome so I couldn't pass this up when I saw it. The reflections are based on the Daily Mass Readings with a short reflection by Bishop Barron and a suggestion for meditation and journaling. Space for journaling is included. Cost: FREE with $5.95 shipping.

🕈 If those weren't enough, the crew from Take Up and Read has a new book Hosanna. This journal uses Lectio Divina to delve into the Gospel of Matthew. This is where my FOMO comes in: I saw this all over Instagram and fear I may be missing out. I suppose if I called in sick every day during Lent I would get through everything I wanted to, but obviously, that isn't an option! Cost: $22.00 on Amazon, so if you have Prime you know what that means: free shipping!

🕈 Women in the New Evangelization (WINE) is offering Walk in her Sandals: Experiencing Christ's Passion Through the Eyes of Women (Kelly  M. Wahlquist) for their Lenten Book Club. You don't have to be in a "book club" to participate, you can do a self-study or follow along in their Facebook group. This was the book they used for Lent 2018 but the study guide is different. Cost: $15.95 (book only), $14.95 (journal only), or $25 (bundle-includes book, journal, and bookmark - members receive a discount!). Another case of FOMO settling in: Kelly Wahlquist is going to be the keynote speaker for our Diocesan CCW Convention in April, so I feel the need to get this and use it this Lent. Maybe something else will have to be put on the backburner?

🕈 A couple of other books worth mentioning: Scott Hahn's Lenten Reflections from A Father Who Keeps His Promises (Franciscan Media) - which is recommended to accompany the free online study- (I did this last year along with the Blessed is She journal) and What Jesus Saw from the Cross (A.G. Sertillanges- Sophia Institute Press). Lenten Reflections' cost is $15.99 +  $1.90 shipping (if you spend $30 from Franciscan Media you receive free shipping); the cost of What Jesus Saw: $18.95 + $5.00 shipping for paperback and $9.95 for ebook.

Okay, Y'all: What did I miss? What are your plans for Lent, or have you not started thinking about yet? If you haven't, better get crackin'! Picking a Lenten Devotional is a very tough decision and it's getting harder with every year.

We Are Called To Not Be Silent

Isn't it funny how when you pre-read the readings for Mass something will get your attention, but then when you hear it during Mass your attention is drawn to something else? The phrase above made me sit up a little bit. We know we are all called to evangelize, to not be silent. But how does this fit in with the Wedding at Cana (John 2:1-11) and 1 Corinthians 12:4-11?

Having Confidence in Your Child

When the Wedding at Cana was read during RCIA last Wednesday, I found myself smiling at the thought of Mary being a typical mother, pushing her son into something he didn't think he was ready for. She had total confidence in him, just as we mothers do in our sons. She was not silent. This is in contrast to the Finding in the Temple when Jesus, at age 12, thought he was ready & Mary and Joseph knew the time wasn't right. She wasn't silent then, either.
At the Wedding of Cana, Mary had confidence that her son would something huge and embark on what he was meant to do, even when he didn't think he was ready. Looking at my boys men, I have so much confidence in each of them. I know they can do great things. I've given my boys a push when they need it. They each bring something different to the table- they each have different gifts (just like 1 Corinthians 12:4-11). I believe in those gifts and know they have so much to offer in finding their purposes in life. Their confidence levels are different; they are finding purposes at different ages. They are still searching. My prayer for them is that they understand that with God in their lives they'll have some clarity.

Don't Push Your Talents

I absolutely love 1 Corinthians 12:4-11 because it's so true. Every one of us has a different talent. The important thing is that we all serve the same Lord. I've had a hard time over the past year (and especially over the past few months) realizing that I don't have some talents that I really wanted to have. I read this reflection from epriest:

These weren't the reflections that went along with 1 Corinthians, but they very well could be. John knew his talents and knew that Jesus would come with greater talents than he. He didn't inflate his opinion of himself but he used them to bring people to God. He knew that his cousin would be the one with the glory. John was not silent, even to the very end.
What amazing role models we have! Men and women who were not afraid to speak up; who were not silent. People who proclaimed the word of God and let it be known that Jesus was the Messiah. We can silently evangelize while not being silent: the way we act, the way we treat others, the way we live our life is a testament to our Christian life. Some days are easier than others; some days I can definitely feel the pull of the evil one trying to get in my head. Especially on those days, don't be silent. Call on Jesus to come to your side and help you with the battle. Do not let satan win. Don't even let him claim a minor victory.  We are called to not be silent; we are called to be found guilty if accused of being a Christian.
The words "I will not be silent" on a blue background

The Most Misunderstood Feast Day in the Catholic Church

The Solemnity of the  Immaculate Conception is probably one of the most, if not THE most, misunderstood feast day in the Catholic Church. If you ask 100 Catholics what the feast day is about, I'd wager at least 25% of them will give you the wrong answer. This day is so important that not only is it a "Solemnity", but even if it falls on a Saturday or Monday Catholics are required to attend Mass. There's no "twofer" when it comes to this Solemnity; the Saturday vigil does not count for both the holy day and the Sunday obligation. It ranks right up there with Christmas in that aspect.
This Feast is about Jesus being conceived without sin, right? WRONG. Mary, whose womb housed our Savior, was conceived without sin. For those who have a problem with this concept, think of it this way: Would God allow His only son to be physically developed in a womb that was less than perfect? The answer to that question should give you insight into this most special day on the liturgical calendar. This is when it all began: God had a plan for Mary from the day of her conception (and really, even before). Just as he has a plan for all of us from day one, He also had a plan for Mary...and for mankind.

A Major Wrench in Plans

In reading Luke 1:26-38, I think the phrase that usually sticks out for people is "How can this be, since I have no relations with man?" (Luke 1:34) Or it may be "May it be done to me according to your word" (Luke 1:38). As I read it, what struck me was "...for you have found favor with God" (Luke 1:30). Wait a minute...Mary was conceived without sin, so how could she have "found favor" with God? Wouldn't she have had it all along? Then I thought about how we all have free will...Mary included. I would assume that Satan tried his best to get her to sin all through her life, especially when she was little. We all did things when we were little that were sinful, but Mary was kept pure. She could have sinned but chose not to.
When I read this passage, I think about how excited she, as a young lady, must have been to be betrothed to such a kind man as Joseph. What a wrench God put in her plans! I imagine that her plans were to marry Joseph, have a house full of kids and then grandkids, and have her boys become carpenters like their dad. Then along comes this angel Gabriel with this mind-blowing question: Will you be the Mother of God and, in doing so, become the mother of all mankind? Did she see all her dreams vanishing? Or did she realize that this is what her purpose for being was?
I'm a control freak, although I'm actually getting better with this flaw. I like for things to be planned out so there are no surprises. Except there are always surprises. We all know God has a sense of humor. He's constantly letting me know that He's in control, not me. When my plans get a wrench thrown at them, I need to remember the wrench God threw Mary and be able to calm down and accept it.

Joseph's Role

Now, about that struck me during Mass that Mary was only told about the good things. What about the part where her heart would be ripped out because there would be people who wanted to kill her baby from day one? What about having to watch her son hang on a cross and holding his dead body in her arms? Of course, we don't know the whole conversation. That's the bottom line: We only know what we're meant to know at this point.
God prepared her from the moment of conception to be His bride. He chose Joseph to be the earthly father of His son. Assumedly (this is just my thought), God took Joseph from this life so the bond between Mary and us would be stronger. If Joseph had been living at Jesus' death, he would have been the one to care of Mary. If Jesus had brothers or sisters, they would have been the ones taking care of her. But Jesus, in giving her to John, gave her to all of us. He shared his mother with all of us, to be our mother. What a gift He gave us! In addition to everlasting life, He gave us His mother. I can just imagine the bond He had with her. We don't know when Joseph died, but I have to imagine that the bond between Jesus and Mary only deepened after his death, if that's even possible.

What's Holding Me Back?

"Let it be done unto me." (Luke 1:38) How many times could I have said that in my life thus far yet didn't? What held me back? For me, personally, the answer to that is selfishness and fear. Fear of being uncomfortable, not being accepted or of being alone. How alone did Mary feel experiencing a pregnancy before being married that no one could possibly comprehend? How alone did she feel knowing that Joseph may not have the faith he needed to believe her? Did Mary run to her mother and tell her what happened? (I know I would have.) Did her parents have any doubt at all about what she said or did they immediately know what she was saying was true? Would I have been able to say "yes" to God? I'm definitely no saint and we know that Mary was groomed from conception to be willing to be the mother of Jesus. If not, she wouldn't have been the Immaculate Conception.
I've always had difficulty understanding why Mary is called "the new Eve". But I think I understand it now with Genesis 3:20: The man called his wife Eve, because she became the mother of all the living. My explanation: When Jesus was on the cross He gave his mother to all of us when he told John, "Behold, your mother." (John19:27) Eve was created in a state of grace just as Mary, but she fell from that grace, unlike Mary. When Jesus gave all of us Mary as our mother, Mary became the new Eve.
If you weren't clear about the Immaculate Conception, know that you aren't alone. I truly believe this is the most misunderstood feast day in the Catholic Church. If you're a Catholic, I hope I've given something to think about.  If you're not Catholic, I hope this post has explained this most Holy Day to you and given you some insight on why this day is or should be so important to not just us, but to Christians everywhere.

Did you know:

Offering Everything Up to Him

scenic picture with scripture verse in a diamond in the center
Tithing. Should I do it? How do I decide how much to give? Am I offering everything up to Him? Do I really have the complete trust I should have?

To have the faith of the women in 1Kings 17:10-16 and Mark 12:41-44. The total and complete trust they had in God is astounding. They both gave the last bit of their livelihood and trusted. The widow in 1Kings knew that she and her son were going to die. They were down to their last little bit of flour and oil, then here comes this man asking for water and bread, citing the Lord's words to calm her fears. I'm not sure, but I feel pretty confident I would have been grumbling the whole time I was making the bread for this stranger.
Tithing. Our Protestant friends seem to have this down to an art. I heard the joke "Catholics don't tithe, they tip". Isn't that true in a lot of cases? Some people say that the Church has enough money, they don't need anymore. The reality is that it costs money for the upkeep of the church: the utility bills have to be paid, the employees have to be paid. Not to mention the donations to charities. I had a Protestant friend many years ago who said that she found when she tithes, even if she didn't feel like she had the money, she always made it to the end of the month. Isn't that just like the widows? My friend was single and a teacher, so there were months when she was very concerned she wouldn't be able to make her utility payment due to tithing, but it always worked out.
I have to admit how selfish I am. I like having a little bit of money left over out of my paycheck. I'm not a big shopper, and through the years my impulse shopping has decreased dramatically. So why don't I give more to the Church? (See the first sentence.) Does it boil down to lack of trust?

Giving my all to Him

The widow in Mark contributed "her whole livelihood" (Mark 12:44), not just financially, but in everything. As I go through the day, do I whisper to Jesus, telling him everything I do is for his glory? When I run into a store quickly only to be held up at the cash register because the cashier is having a nice, slow conversation with the customer, I'm usually cussing under my breath instead of thanking God that there are people who still take the time to talk.  When things are so crazy at work and my students all act like they've had a ton of sugar, I need to learn to stop and thank God that 1) I have a job that I love, and 2) that I have been entrusted to work with children and help mold their lives. When I get home and I still don't have time to sit down because there are dishes left in the sink, the dog had an accident on the floor, the bed hasn't been made, supper has to be made, etc., I'm usually grumbling instead of being grateful that I have a home to come to at the end of the day. All of these little things can be giving all I have to Christ.

It's not just about money

How do we know if we've given enough? I know I don't give nearly what I should give. I give a lot of my time, but monetarily? Not at all. I researched a bit and found that the Church doesn't suggest a fixed percentage of what should be tithed.  From Catholic AnswersGod doesn't demand a fixed amount of money from us; he wants us to give from the heart. If people are forced by their church to give a certain percent of their income, that's extortion. If they give freely and cheerfully the amount they are able, that's a gift.  An article in The Catholic Digest states tithing actually means 1/10th. Father William J. Byron, S.J., suggested that the Church may bring back the 1/10th, with 1/5th being service and 1/5th being monetary. Father Echert from EWTN stated that the Church takes into consideration the service to the Church as part of its tithing. Our stewardship includes time and talent, not just money. 
The 1/5th and 1/5th as Father Byron suggested make complete sense to me. I often look at how much time I spend at church with CCW, choir, and RCIA and use that as a cop-out for not giving monetarily. My diocese had a "Home" program a couple of years ago. We were given a certain amount of suggested monthly donations and asked to give that much for 2 years. Each parish developed plans for improvements and the money was to be given directly to each individual parish for those improvements. My contribution was very little. Could I have done more? Absolutely. Should that count as part of the tithing? I would think so.

Was grumbling involved?

There have been times when I was at Mass and had a $20 bill and smaller bills in my purse and chose to give the smaller amount because I might need that $20. Yep, my total trust in God just isn't there yet. There are so many aspects of my life where I want to put all my trust in Him but something is holding me back. Trust is such a hard thing to give and not take back. I wonder: did the widow in 1Kings grumble? Did she wonder if she was doing the right thing? Did the widow in Mark have to think about what she was giving? Did she slip in quietly so no one would notice just how little she was giving, even though to her it was an awful lot?

I know I should strive to emulate these widows, to not be grumpy and to offer all I have to God. I am a very selfish person, and I am fully aware of it. We all have something we need to work on, and this is a huge area for me. Baby's going to take baby steps!
pinterest pin with scenic picture in background with scripture verse in a diamond

Breaking Out of a Dry Spell and Rediscovering God

cracked dry earth with barren tree on the right side
Photo courtesy of Pexels
I had the most amazing experience during the Consecration at All Saints Day Mass: I felt the presence of God. Since I was in the choir area, I saw the back of the priest's vestments with the host & wine lifted high above his head. You may be thinking "What's so different this time? I feel His presence all the time". The difference is that I have been going through an incredibly dry period. This one seems so much longer and drier than past dry periods. Maybe it's because over the past few years I felt closer to God than I had in a long time, which made the dry period seem longer and drier.
I spoke with my Spiritual Director who urged me to keep doing my daily prayer routine. As I told her, I will not let Satan win. So many mornings I have felt like I've gotten nothing out of the Readings or prayer. No matter how hard I tried, I just didn't get it. How hard must it be for religious and saints to go through dry periods! Oh, but when you feel that presence of God again, what a joyous feeling!

Why the dry period?

Reflecting over the cause of the dry period gave me a couple of reasons why this was happening.
1) Our parish priest recently retired. I absolutely love this man! He is so tender, so understanding, so...HOLY, although he would be the first one to dispute that. He is one of the best (if not THE best) homilists I've ever heard. He can take a reading and in just a few minutes relate it to your life. His homilies were short, sweet, to the point, and relatable. His love for God came through during every single Mass. His enthusiasm for spreading The Word was evident every time he was on the altar. Once he retired, it was like the wind was taken out of my sail. I'm sure I'm not the only one, but it felt like the whole church atmosphere did a 180. I had trouble feeling God during the Mass. I rotely went through the Mass, not really understanding what was being said or being able to apply it to experiences in my life. I took notes during the Homily, but those notes over the past month were so scattered that they just didn't make sense. Having a priest on the altar who genuinely loves his calling (and not seeing it as a "job") makes all the difference in the world.
2) Change. I don't like it. It seems any time I get too comfortable, I have to deal with change. And this was a big one. When I first moved back "home", I was a church hopper. I couldn't find the parish where I felt comfortable and where I felt I belonged. Even in the parish where I grew up, I didn't feel welcome. Every time I thought I found a church home, the priest would leave or be reassigned. Now that I found a home in my childhood parish (the same one where I didn't feel welcome), I was comfortable, and my spiritual life was flourishing.
3) Busy-ness with other things. The beginning of the school year is always hectic but this year seems to be so much worse. On top of that, things out of our control have been happening to the RCIA team so a couple of us are having to take up the slack. And if that weren't enough, in the middle of all of that I presented with a couple of people and had a booth in the exhibit hall for our state speech/language convention.

How things are looking up

The new priest who is assigned to my parish (his title is "Parochial Vicar") came a few weeks ago. He's young (early 30's) and his love for God and the Mass is very evident. When he first opened his mouth to speak, I thought "uh-oh" because he has a monotone speaking voice while celebrating Mass. But his homily! While it's pretty obvious he's reading his homily (our previous parish priest never read his was heartfelt and never read), he has a good message. It's not too long, and it's definitely not all over the place. His first Sunday, he had to talk about stewardship. He managed to direct the theme to the Gospel as well as our every day lives, so he won my approval on the spot. He's also a fellow blogger; he posts his homilies so they can be revisited during the week. On All Saints Day, he had this on the altar:
picture of relic on a table
I've seen this in our Adoration Chapel but had no idea what it was. It is a first-class relic from St. Maria Goretti. According to Mary Rezac in an article for the Catholic News Agency (11/01/2017, "Is it Weird that Catholics venerate relics? Here's why we do"): First class relics are the body or fragments of the body of a saint, such as pieces of bone or flesh.
So far, our new priest is piquing my interest and curiosity so that I want to learn more about my faith. I want to delve into the lives of the saints (specifically St. Maria Goretti) to learn more about her since she is a part of our parish. He also mentioned that he was born on the anniversary of the conclusion of the Fatima apparitions, and now he is at Our Lady of Fatima. Definitely a "God-incidence". I think I can learn a lot from him.
I met with my Spiritual Director a couple of weeks ago and she gave me some excellent ideas to keep plugging away. Several years ago, Jennifer Fulwiler wrote a blog post offering 9 Tips for Spiritual Dry Spells. Most of her suggestions follow what I was told to do.
Things are easing up with work so I can take the time to read and just be silent. I don't feel as if I'm being pulled in 100 different ways. I'm sticking to my routine and it's proving to be effective. Slowly but surely I can feel God creeping back into my heart and letting me know that He is still there.
Cracked dry earth with barren tree to the right side with the words "My soul thirsts for God, the living God" (Psalms 4:23) above the picture

A Catholic Woman's Perspective of Death

As Catholics, we are taught not to fear death but to embrace it. We eagerly await the time when we are called home to our destination, our reason for being on this earth. I remember discussions with my mother about death. When asked, she said she wasn't afraid to die. Growing up, I wasn't either. I was more scared of how I was going to die.
The Song of the Prayer of St. Francis has the lyrics "And in dying that we're born to eternal life". We have to die to live in the joyous, most beautiful Heaven. We have to die to see God.
The first time I had been around someone when they died was when my father passed away. I worked in a nursing home for a couple of years as a Speech-Language Pathologist but was never around a resident when they passed. It was such a beautiful thing, to be with my daddy when he left this world and went to be with God. I wasn't scared at all. I know I was right where I was supposed to be. I almost left my brother's house but something...someone told me to stay. I know it was the Holy Spirit urging me to be with my daddy when he passed away. Our God is a gracious, merciful God. Daddy's passing was so very peaceful and it definitely was one of the most beautiful, amazing events in my life.
I was asked once if my father was scared to die. Looking back, I have to answer with a resounding "no".  His faith in God kept his eyes focused on being with Him and being reunited with my mother. We should all pray for such a peaceful, happy death.

What is this "Day of the Dead"?

A recent article in Aleteia was titled "Why do Catholics celebrate Day of the Dead"? Interesting. My parents were born and raised in Texas and my minor in college was Spanish, yet I only heard of this "Día de los Muertos" a few years ago. Or maybe I had heard of it but a huge emphasis wasn't placed on it. This is a beautiful celebration that takes place over 2 days (All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day) to honor those family members who have died.
Day of the Dead has picked up steam in the education world, and I'm sure the real meaning is being watered down. Personally, I've steered clear of it in my therapy activities because I'm not sure how to separate the religious meaning from the secular meaning and to be perfectly honest, I don't want to. It's also my belief that it's the parents' responsibility to teach their children about death and how to respect it.
You can learn more about Día de los Muertos through this National Geographic article.

Memento Mori

This is something I've definitely never heard of. Sister Theresa Aletheia, FSP, has brought this phrase back to life, so to speak. Latin for "Remember your death", the skull is a reminder that we all will die. This practice is a reminder to put all things into perspective. Our ultimate goal is to get to heaven. All of the stress & chaos in the world seem a little less serious when we live for Him and when we reach for that ultimate goal. 
Sister Theresa Aletheia wrote a journal that is available for purchase. I'm looking forward to receiving mine and learning more about Memento Mori. 

I would urge anyone to not fear death. Dying is something we all will experience. Put your faith in God and do what you can spiritually to be ready. 

Could I Really Do It?

Photo by Ian Froome on Unsplash
When I first read Mark 8:27-35 my initial thought was: Could I leave everything and follow a man that claimed to be the Son of God? Could I have that much faith in anyone to just leave all I know and all I have? Could I really do it?
I know people who have had to flee their homes for various reasons, but the difference is that they didn't have a choice. They had to do it for their safety. I know people who have lost everything in floods and fires, but again, that wasn't their choice.  That's a totally different situation from the disciples being told that to be true disciples they had to leave everything and follow Jesus.

A Saint with Issues

Poor Peter. Throughout the New Testament, he tries to do the right thing. He thinks he is doing the right thing consoling Jesus by telling him that what He said is going to happen will not. Peter must have been shocked when Jesus called him Satan. Most of us associate with Peter: we try to do the right thing but there are times when we fall. Yet, Peter was not only a saint, he was the first leader in the Church. He is the one God entrusted with His Church. He is the one who was to start this Catholic Church...he is the one who is the rock. Isn't that just the way Jesus said it should be? We are all sinners, and Peter definitely had his issues. When the going got tough, he bailed, and not just once. Jesus kept giving him chances and taking him back.  After Jesus rose and appeared to the apostles, that's when things started happening.
I wonder if Peter actually had some doubts about who Jesus really was? Even though he was the one to say Jesus is Christ, did he also have some doubts down deep? Did he really & truly believe what he was saying, or did he say it because that was expected?

I Would Need Faith

I just don't know if I could really do it; if I could really give up everything and walk away from my husband and children (and dogs) and follow a man. Surely the Holy Spirit was working in the disciples. I would only hope that I would have the faith I needed to drop everything and follow Jesus if He asked.