Time: What a Gift!

Photo by Pixabay: https://www.pexels.com/photo/red-2-bell-alarm-clock-on-grass-field-36351/

I recently went through the Called and Gifted Discernment Process (St. Catherine of Siena Institute). This made me aware of the gifts He has given to me that I bring to Him at every Mass I participate in. That just seemed like "old news" to me. I feel that He wants something more, but what? 

As if right on cue, Dynamic Catholic's Daily Reflection for January 7, 2025, corresponded with the meditation in Fr. Mark Toup's book:

As Fr. Mark says: "We need time for Sabbath. We need time for rest. We need time for silence, reflection, and prayer." He goes on to refer to Pope Benedict XVI: Making time for God is a "fundamental element for spiritual growth....he will enable us to understand more deeply what he expects of me." 

I hate to sound like a broken record, but in thinking back over the past few years, God was gracious and merciful enough to gift Robert & me with time. Now it is my time to give Him the gift of my time. And as Matthew Kelly put it in his reflection, it seems like a simple thing but it won't be easy. Sometimes, when I come home after Daily Mass, an appointment, or an outing, I just want to stay home for the rest of the day. Especially in the winter when it's cold and the wind is blowing, I just want to stay home. I like being in my little prayer corner, but there are so many distractions. Sitting in front of the Tabernacle, whether the Blessed Sacrament is exposed or not, gives me clarity and helps me focus on HIM. 

I'm finding that Anna the prophetess is currently a kindred spirit. While I'm not going to live in the church, I have set myself up to spend a lot of time there through Adoration. Could it really be that simple? That He only wants my time? I'm at a point in my life when I am able to give Him the time He is asking for. I've said many times that if people only knew the graces received by spending an hour with Jesus in Adoration, the chapels would be overflowing. There were times in my life when I felt stretched to give Him that much, and I'm sure He understood. But now is the time. Now is the time to spend time with Him, to get to know Him, and to understand His plan for me. 

Heavenly Hugs

Photo by Brett Sayles

With the 2 year anniversary of my husband's cancer diagnosis looming, I felt the pressure of the insecurities and fear of living without him. The reality hit hard. It's been easy (for me anyway) to go about my life with a new routine since he started chemo. He is able to go to appointments without me and since I'm still working full-time outside the home, I'm not there to see just how badly it affects him. The worst days are a couple of days after his pump comes out. To look at him, you would never know that he is terminally ill. You wouldn't even know that he is sick at all. 

Don't get me wrong: I'm ecstatic that God has given us this precious gift of time. But I know with each month that the sand is running out of the hourglass. I know I shouldn't mourn him right now; we have a lot of living to do while we still can. We have a lot of memories to make; we want to live life to the fullest until we can't. 

So, yeah, I had a pretty pissy day the day before the anniversary. I went to the Adoration Chapel and spent more time there than I had in a long time. A friend gave me the booklet "Pray the Rosary with the National Council of Catholic Women". Each of the Mysteries includes several different themes to choose from. Since it was a Friday, I chose the "For Courage in Adversity" theme in the Sorrowful Mysteries. Those meditations were exactly what I needed. The words were perfect. They helped to console me and give me the hope I needed. 

While in the Chapel I talked to God about how much I miss my mom, especially now. I know that she would have the right words to say to me; at the very least her hug would help ease my pain. My dad wouldn't know what to say (he was a man of few words) but his bear hug (even though somewhat awkward) would hit the spot. On the day of the anniversary, during my morning prayer time, the morning Reading from the Liturgy of the Hours included this verse:

He comforts us in all our afflictions and thus enables us to comfort those who are in trouble, with the same consolation we have received from him. (2Corinthians 1:4)

 

I pulled out my Magnificat, read the day's Mass Readings, and then took a look at the meditation. I have to admit, I will often look at the author of the meditations. Sometimes I'll read it and sometimes I won't, based on who wrote it. The meditation on that day was from Mother Agnes of  Jesus who is St. Therese's (of Lisieux) sister Pauline. My mom had a devotion to St. Therese of Lisieux so this meditation intrigued me. Man, am I glad I read it! 

Let us not ask Jesus that suffering or some events should not make us tremble—for that might perhaps

be a useful humiliation—but that we may always follow him step by step; and if we are so weak that we

run away for a time, that our hearts may remain united to him in continual prayer and confidence, and that we may come back to him without delay. Never doubt his love and mercy, for that wounds him to the heart...

 He must therefore know that we are weak, that our exile is painful, that even the most strongly established virtue can fail, and that often everything around us seems to combine to make us weep,

seeing that we no longer have the strength to row because the wind is against us. He comes to us in the night of trial. We must do our best simply and humbly. How beautiful it is, it is everything—littleness, the spirit of childhood, humility. Let us ask just for these virtues at Jesus’ crib. He will give them to us, and we shall be as happy as is possible in the land of exile and then go straight to heaven. You have only to acknowledge in the depths of your heart that you are unworthy of so many blessings

and immediately you will be pure. “O my God, make me more and more aware of my weakness, but at the same time of your divine strength.”

Mother Agnes of Jesus, o.c.d.

Mother Agnes of Jesus († 1951) was the sister of Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus, and prioress at the Carmel of Lisieux for over fifty years.

There are moments when I just want to run away. I just want to be left alone and not have to face what is to come. I want to run away to Ireland and hide out in the countryside. I heard a song about a week ago; these verses really hit home for me:

To run and hide would be so easy

You don't wanna stay and fight

If you don't give yourself completely

You won't get to see the beauty

Waiting on the other side

It's gonna take some time

Healing always does

Embrace the road you're walking

Be patient with the process

You're gonna make it out alive

I'm getting constant reminders that God is here with me. He's giving me what I need when I need it. Running away isn't an option. Instead of "Godwinks", He is sending me "heavenly hugs" just when I need them. God is good all the time; All the time, God is good.

How an Adoration Chapel Spawned a Miracle Halfway Around the World

This is the story of how a small, humble Eucharistic Adoration Chapel in the Southeastern United States spawned a miracle halfway around the world. The Chapel, sadly, is not a "Perpetual Adoration Chapel" because there isn't someone scheduled 24/7. My hope is that this story will change that.
A Monsignor from Nigeria has visited my parish for over a decade. From what I understand, he is friends with a couple who lived 2 hours away. They moved into the area, so when the priest visited, he kept coming back. He was so moved by our humble little Adoration Chapel that he began one in his home parish. There are now 11 Chapels in his diocese, all because he fell in love with our Chapel. But that's not the miracle.
The Monsignor tells us that there is a man in his parish who, for three years, stopped in as he went by the Chapel. He didn't stay long, maybe not even 5 minutes. Just long enough to say "Hi" to Jesus and to let him know someone knew He is there. One day, the man was on the roof of his house, and he had a tumble. The result: He broke his neck and his vertebrae. He was paralyzed with no hope of being able to walk again. A few months later, he was alone in his hospital bed when a man in white came in. He told the paralytic that he hadn't seen him in a while, and wanted to stop in to say "hi". When the man in white left, the paralytic got out of bed and walked around his room. His wife came in and saw him and yelled for medical personnel. When his wife asked what happened, the man said, "I don't know. A man in white came in and said he wanted to say "hi" and then I could walk."
I have said numerous times how much it makes my heart hurt that people walk by the Adoration Chapel and don't just pop in. Some people think they can't go in if they don't have an hour. Some people don't even realize Jesus is there, waiting for us with open arms. He's waiting for us to acknowledge He's there. My parish just finished 40 hours of Adoration leading up to Corpus Christi. One of our current priests is working hard for an understanding of Adoration, and the graces we receive from it.
Since the miracle occurred, the Monsignor said they have people, Catholics and Non-Catholics, stopping by the Adoration Chapels. In a country where Christians are being persecuted, I think Jesus is getting His message across.

Weird Stuff When I'm Tired During My Adoration Hour

I can think of some really weird stuff when I'm tired during my Adoration Hour. As I read John 6:51-58, I had these thoughts:
I wonder what the crowds thought when Jesus said that in order to live they had to eat his body and drink his blood. Did they think it was just so bizarre?
Those thoughts were validated when I read the Blessed is She reflection. In the second paragraph, Kendra Tierney says "Don't worry, it didn't sound any less weird or horrifying to them than it does to us today." Whew! Except that's not all I wrote in my journal.
It's easy for us since we know we can take in Jesus through the Sacrament of the Eucharist, but I wonder what they really thought of Jesus. I think it just makes everything seem so far out there. Today if someone said that we would think of zombies or vampires. Here was this man offering eternal life if they would eat of his body and drink his blood. Isn't that what the vampires in the movie promise? Maybe I'm just thinking of this because I'm exceptionally tired. Maybe that's where the originators of vampires got their idea.
See what I mean? Blessed John of Ruysbreck is quoted in Magnificat: "and therefore there abides in us, together with all saints, an eternal hunger, and an eternal desirous introversion." And there you have it: an eternal hunger. We are longing for Him. We hunger for Him. And the only way to satisfy that hunger is through the Holy Eucharist.
Proverbs 9:3-6 goes hand in hand with the scripture from John. We are all called to His table. No matter who we are, us miserable sinners, we are called. He has prepared the table for us- it's up to us to accept the invitation. To RSVP with a "no thanks" would be foolish. And Ephesians 5:16: Making the most of the opportunity, because the days are evil. If we don't stay busy and do everything for Him, we can be sucked into doing evil. I am so guilty of this. I stay out of trouble at work by staying in my room and staying busy. Even eating lunch by myself in my room is a necessity when I feel the negativity pulling me in. If I was wiser I would know when to keep my mouth closed.

A Church in Crisis

Today the Catholic Church is in crisis. Satan is pulling out all the stops to attempt to destroy Her. Just this year, Ireland voted to legalize abortion. In light of the clergy scandal, there will probably be many people who will leave the Faith just as many of Jesus' followers left when He said: "Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life...". (John 6:54) The evil one won battles that day, and he will win battles over this crisis. Priests are human...they are men. They make mistakes, and unfortunately, some of them have hurt many people. But you know what? We don't participate in Mass for men. Our goal for Mass is to receive the Eucharist...the body & blood of Our Lord Jesus Christ. If you're one of those who is debating leaving the Church because of the crisis....don't. Please don't put your salvation in danger because of the actions of men, or the Catholic Church as an institution.
Our faith will be tested but we have to stand firm. Satan is doing his best to destroy Catholicism. Just when we think things are better Satan rears his ugly head and finds someone who will carry out his plan to demolish The Church. I for one thought we had moved on from the crisis. Through Virtus Training, the Church has made great strides in educating anyone who went through the training on the signs and follow-through with sexual abuse. A recent article in the NCRegister was extremely disturbing with its reporting of priests and seminarians disavowing their promises. The article just made me sick to my stomach.
Pray for priests. They need our prayers more than anything. Pray for the Leaders in the Catholic Church that they are able to rid Her of the ones who are not staying loyal to Him and to their vows. Father Donald Calloway, in his book "Under the Mantle" admitted that he is tempted a lot. Priests are tempted in ways we can't even imagine. They need our prayers to hold Satan at bay.
This Prayer for Priests was given to us by our Diocesan CCW Spiritual Commission Leader:

Chosen

During my usual Hour in Adoration as I read Sunday's Gospel (John 15:9-17), the words "I am chosen" hit me like a brick. Are you kidding? ME? I am chosen? I choose to follow Jesus but before that He. Chose. ME.
Most of us know the feeling of being rejected whether it was not being chosen as one of the first ones during a game in our younger years or being jilted by a boyfriend/girlfriend as we grew older. Even as adults we can feel the sting of rejection: not being chosen for a job or for a certain honor in our current job. You know what? None of that matters because He chose us.
He may not have chosen me to be a star in the Catholic world. I'm not on the radio and I don't have a YouTube show or Podcast. Some are called to quietly live their lives and go quite unnoticed. That doesn't make them any less chosen than Jennifer Fulwiler, Audrey Assad, or Father Leo. This little blog goes unnoticed, but I am able to quietly write down my thoughts because I have been chosen.
That was Thursday night. Sunday morning during Mass, my mind went in a different direction.
In the First Reading (Acts10:5-26, 34-35, 44-48) Peter tells Cornelius who fell at his feet to get up because he is a man just as he. What humility he shows in that statement! He goes on to say that it doesn't matter where you are---even in a nation that is not Christian if you "fear him and act uprightly" you will be acceptable. He appears to have just finished those words when the "circumcised believers were astounded" because the Gentiles received the Holy Spirit. To tie it into what I was saying before, the Gentiles were chosen. Were they not listening? After showing such humility Peter witnessed a sense of entitlement that Gentiles couldn't possibly be chosen. (My interpretation.)  Peter makes the statement that "God shows no partiality", (Acts 10:34) as long as you "fear Him and act righteously". (Acts 10:35)
Wow. You would think that since Jesus was a Jew that there might be some favoritism, but no. All God asks is that you fear him and act accordingly. That doesn't seem like it would be too difficult of a task, but there are days when I have to dig deep and ask for help. The words "I am chosen" have been lingering in my head since I read them last Thursday night. Yes, I am chosen, but am I worthy? Apparently, He thinks I am.

Conflicts

Photo by Kris Schulze

I really didn't want to get up and go to Mass this morning. I initially planned to go last night, but got busy with a project and didn't go. I've got to focus on Him. I definitely feel like I've lost that focus that I had over the past few years.

I read the Readings while in Adoration on Thursday...that is, after almost falling asleep saying the Rosary. The First Reading (Jeremiah 20: 7-9) had me duped.  Why was Jeremiah saying those things? Why in the world is that the First Reading? After reading it a couple of times (to make sure I read it right the first time), I opened the Bible and read what came before and after, as well as the introduction to this book. It kind of made sense after that.

Jeremiah was called to be a prophet, but it didn't always go well for him. My take on this reading is that he was just tired of being a prophet and sick of being unappreciated. The Catholic Study Bible (3rd Edition) indicates that he had more of an impact after his death. He voiced his frustration in what we read today, but then he turns it around and says that the Lord will prevail over those who are condemning him. But then...he goes back to wishing he hadn't been born. Such a conflicted soul!

The Second Reading (Romans 12:1-2) is a short one, but reminds us to stay true to God. Do what is right and don't succumb to peer pressure or what's going on right now. Our country is such a mess in terms of "if you don't agree with me, then you're (insert word here)." Instead of respecting others' opinions, the "other side" is criticized and ridiculed. St. Paul tells us in this very short passage to stick to your guns and don't succumb. You know what is right...keep doing it and believing it. Even when, like Jeremiah, you get discouraged and it seems that the whole world is against you, keep fighting the good fight.

The Gospel (Matthew 16:21-27) wraps everything up. If you stay true and conduct yourself as you should, you will receive your heavenly reward. Peter & Jeremiah both wanted to take matters into their own hands, forgetting God's will.  During RCIA last week when we discussed this week's Gospel, the question came up about knowing what your cross is that you have to bear. Maybe we don't really know what that cross is; we have to have faith that whatever it is, God will give us the grace to carry it as long as we don't turn our back on Him.

As I said in the beginning of this post: I really didn't want to go to Mass this morning. While I was in the shower, I thought about how the devil is trying to get me to not go, and he will not win. I refuse to let him win or have any power over me. So I finished getting ready & went. Imagine how surprised I was when Father said "When we least feel like being at Mass we need to be there most." That was definitely a "Jethro Slap" moment!  (If you watch NCIS, you know what I'm talking about.) No matter what you're going through or whether you're on fire, lukewarm, or kind of cool about God & your faith, keep working through it. He's there for you, and he's waiting with open arms. After all, even the saints went through cool periods in their lives.

{SQT} 7 Materials to Help You Reflect

With the internet, there are so many options to use for reflecting on Daily & Sunday Readings. These are what I have found helpful. Some can be delivered right into your inbox.

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Catholicmom.com isn't only for moms. There's something for everyone on this site whether you're single or a dad. Their Daily Reflections are short and to the point. 

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Blessed is She is another reflection that can be delivered daily to your inbox. While some of them are geared more toward the younger crowd, they are usually well-written and connect the readings to every day life.

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ePriest's reflections begin with a prayer, petition, then 3 main points for the Gospel, followed by another prayer and ending with a resolution.

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The Catholic Company doesn't have reflections, but they do have morning offerings, daily meditations, links to Mass Readings (from USCCB) and Homilies, as well as the daily saint, devotions, and links to daily prayers. Just be aware that if you sign up, you'll also receive offers from them.

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The Word Among Us can't be sent to your inbox, so I sometimes forget about going to this site. (If you subscribe, you may be able to have the daily meditation sent; I don't subscribe, so I'm not sure.) It's actually very good; another short reflection that connects the readings to every day life.

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Catholic Study Bible. This is the one I have, but really, any of them would do. Read the readings, and read the footnotes. Read what comes before and after the Gospel for that day/week.

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A friend of mine just made a Mass Notes Journal (pdf format). Someone else made the comment that it will be great to take to Adoration. This can be used throughout the week. Included are Homily Notes, Scripture References and questions, goals, moments of grace, a place for art, a thankful page, help me page, prayer requests, and faith in action. It's a great way to reflect on the whole week using the weekly Readings.
If you have a Spiritual Director, this would be fantastic to take with you when you receive direction.

She has made it available to everyone, for free. There is a choice of 5 different covers. I put mine in a notebook, but you could bind yours. She thought of everything: She has 2 versions: Sermon Notes Journal and Mass Notes Journal.
If you would like to download it, click HERE. 

What do you have delivered to your inbox for reflections?

I'm linking up with Kelly at This Ain't the Lyceum for Seven Quick Takes.

{Pentecost} Eucharistic Adoration Doesn't Have To Be Silent

Last week, I was looking forward to my hour of Perpetual Adoration. I took my notebook; I was expecting an hour of silence and some time to allow the Holy Spirit to guide me with this post. Well, God has an incredible sense of humor, and he let me know right away who was in control.

The past few weeks, I've had the Chapel all to myself for the hour, so I was expecting the same this time. I walked in, and there were no fewer than 6 people already there. I love to go to Adoration when no one else is there. I know God can listen to everyone at the same time, but I'm selfish. (Even though I'm in my mid-50's, my 9 siblings still use the word "bratty" to describe me.) I like knowing that I have his full attention. I get more distracted when there are other people in the Chapel than when I'm alone. I was a little disappointed, but I made the best of it. I pulled out my Rosary and closed my eyes, trying to concentrate. You can probably guess what happened next: I came this close to falling asleep. Small victory for me: It didn't actually happen...this time.

Following the Rosary, I pulled out the readings for Sunday, as well as my notebook. The First (Acts 2:1-11) and Second (Corinthians 12:3b-7, 12-13) Readings didn't appear to meld together.  As I looked over my notes, it clicked. There were individuals coming together to gather within the apostles and the Jews. Each individual had their own God-given talent; each is unique in what they bring. Just as a body can not completely function without the other parts, the Church is unable to function without each individual bringing his/her own talents. When the Holy Spirit descended upon the apostles, it wasn't to make them all the same. Each individual had a job to do, and that job perfectly fit the talents and strengths of that person. When you stop and think about that, it's just incredibly amazing. The apostles were suddenly able to speak in other languages; my guess (I'm not a theologian and didn't read this anywhere) is that the language(s) they were able to speak were in the native tongue of where their evangelization would take them. The Jews who were gathered were amazed. Even within that group, even though they heard the apostles speaking in their own language, there were doubts and talk of "too much new wine" (Acts 2:13).

The reading from Acts is the image most of us probably have in our minds when we think of Pentecost.  The Gospel Reading (John 20:19-23) confused me a bit. Is this a different account, a different perspective, of the First Reading? As I read the notations in my Catholic Study Bible, it is mentioned that the verses from the Acts may not have been that dramatic. Could Luke have embellished what really happened? Or, were these 2 completely different events?

As the last people who were "sharing" the Chapel with me left, one woman remained. We've shared the Chapel before, so I felt very comfortable being there with her. As soon as the door closed, I spoke up and asked her opinion on what I was thinking. We read the 1st Reading and the Gospel out loud, and then went back and read the passages before them to see if we could understand them. Did I feel bad about talking out loud in the Chapel? Absolutely not. I truly believe that this is part of what the Holy Hour is about: growing in fellowship for His glory.

We may not have answered the question correctly, but we came to an understanding of the timeline of the First Reading and the Gospel. After reading both passages and having some discussion, we came to the conclusion that the passage from Gospel came first: since Jesus appeared to the disciples, this would have taken place before the Ascension. (This passage also gives the explanation of the Sacrament of Reconciliation.) Jesus breathed the Holy Spirit into the disciples, but in the passage from Acts, the Holy Spirit descended upon them.
Our conclusion, right or wrong, is that the First Reading and the Gospel depict two separate events. I left Adoration with a song in my heart. The hour was vastly different than I expected it to be, but sometimes God does that to keep us on our toes!

{SQT} A Couple of Appreciations and Some Cleaning

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I started to begin this post talking about the Our Lady of Fatima Touring Statue, but then realized that should be a post on its own. Come back in a few days to get the 411!

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I work for a school system. If you do, too, you know how underappreciated we all feel. Our PTO (although our principal has changed the name to "MOCS"---don't ask me what the acronym stands for because I couldn't tell you!) set up our workroom/eating area on Monday. It stayed like this all week, with little goodies set out for us.

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In addition to Teacher Appreciation Week, May is also "Better Hearing and Speech Month". As a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP), this is the month that we are supposed to get the word out about all things Speech & Hearing. My coordinator sent out goodies for all of us SLPs.

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I receive the Divine Mercy Daily in my email box every morning, but I think I'm going to have to unsubscribe. I am feeling so guilty about not praying the Chaplet as I sat next to my father as he was dying. I said a Rosary, but I honestly didn't even think about the Chaplet. I don't think I'm supposed to feel that way after reading those daily emails!

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As my siblings & I are cleaning out my parents' house, we often come across things that make us smile. We're down to the very last things in the house; everything of any sentimental value has been taken out. I went down with my youngest son the other day so he could look through the kitchen things to see if there was anything he wanted (for when he decides to move out on his own). When I found this, I smiled:

It may look like just a little metal biscuit cutter to you, but this was what we used to make host out of bread when we played Mass! 

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I spent part of last weekend cleaning off my desk. I found a place for almost everything I took from my parents' house. Here is the desk before:

and after:

This is where I say my morning prayers & read the daily readings. 

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Last night began our Diocesan CCW (Council of Catholic Women) Convention. It's being held in my home parish this year, so it was nice to come home last night & sleep in my own bed instead of being in a hotel. We began the evening with a Mass celebrated by the Bishop, then dinner, and a presentation. The speaker was Jeff Gardner, of The Picture Christians Project. He speaks again this morning, so check back for a recap of the weekend!

I'm linking up with Kelly at This Ain't the Lyceum for Seven Quick Takes.

I Will Try Again

When I walked into the Adoration Chapel the Thursday following Easter Sunday, I was struck by how differently things looked after being covered up with purple cloth. The white on the Virgin Mother statue seemed whiter, with the blue rosary draped around her seeming to be bluer. Jesus on the cross appeared to be more life-like. This is the same crucifix that I looked at in my parish while growing up, so it's very familiar. Even so, his face looked as if he could come to life at any minute. The harder I stared, the more life-like it became. I thought of the disciples locked away, scared of what was going to happen to them. I can imagine his head straightening and I have to admit that I am just a tad bit frightened until I hear the words "Do not be afraid. I am with you." It is then that I can actually feel his presence.

The blood on his knees and feet seem more pronounced. I can almost see the blood dripping from his feet. In fact, I would swear that I see it dripping.

And then I get sidetracked. I make the mistake of looking at my phone for the time and see a message. That leads to another thing, and I've lost this state of mind I was in.

I didn't take any reading materials with me this time. My plan was to just sit, be still, and listen. I failed miserably, but it's okay. I had a few minutes of that deep state of mind with Jesus. It's a start. Next week I'll try again. I'll turn my phone off (or leave it in the car) and not worry about the time. I'll gaze at Jesus' precious wounds and imagine what it must have been like to be with him on his journey to the cross. I'll know that he forgives me for my short attention span. I know that he will still be here, waiting for me.

Good Friday: Just Imagine and Stop Resisting

Picture courtesy of Aaron Burden

This morning, as I read the entry in my Blessed is She Lenten Journal, this was brought to us: Imagine yourself at the foot of the cross. Imagine Mary & John beside you. Wow. When I started writing, I didn't think I'd have enough room to write what was going through my head. So, I opened up my laptop, and here I am. 

How my heart aches at the cruelty of man. How quickly our hearts and minds can change. During the procession around the church of the Blessed Sacrament during Holy Thursday's Mass, I imagined the people following Jesus into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday; then I imagined how many were at the cross when he was crucified.  I wondered just how many people actually went into the Adoration Chapel between the procession and midnight. Obviously, not everyone would be able to fit into the chapel, but I wonder just how many went?

I didn't. I was tired, I had a headache, and I just wanted to go to bed. I have a lot of things to do today, Good Friday, and those things kept going through my mind. I realized I’m just like those people who followed, but then abandoned him when he was put to death. I realized I’m one of those in the crowd who yelled, “Crucify him”. And I’m ashamed.

During Dynamic Catholic’s BestLent Ever, the focus was on how we resist God through resisting the little things in our lives. It starts with the resistance to even get out of bed in the morning, choosing to hit the snooze button instead. This series made me realize how much resisting I do. I resisted going to confession until Wednesday afternoon. There was a struggle going on within me: Do I call the church office or just skip it? It was so late, surely Father is busy and won’t have time. Finally, at 2:45, I gave in and called. I found out I wasn’t the only one who needed his/her confession heard at that late an hour. The Associate Pastor wasn’t there yet, but the priest at the mission church was, and while I don’t think he really wanted to hear my confession, he did. (This was after me telling him that it wouldn’t take long…I was almost perfect! Oops…forgot to mention that sin during my confession!) I’m so glad I gave in and called and that he heard my confession; I think I would have felt really guilty going into Easter Vigil without receiving absolution.

During Lent, I’ve been going to the outdoor Stations of the Cross and going through them on my own so I can spend Friday evenings with my husband. Last Friday, I just wanted to go home after work. It was cold and I was tired. I had to make myself go, but I did go. Resistance didn’t win that day!

I could have gone back over to the church last night for Adoration. I don’t live very far from the church, so that wasn’t the issue. I was selfish. My headache went away, but I didn’t go back over. Maybe I didn’t leave Jesus completely alone, because I’m sure the priests and deacons were there; but, was there anyone else? Is that what happened when Jesus was crucified? Did the people just go home and go about their business? Did they even give him another thought?

We may not have been physically there during the crucifixion, but we can be spiritually there every day. We can resist him, or we can take that extra step to do what we should. We can truly follow him all the way, offering up our little sacrifices in order to be closer to him. Even when we have a headache, we’re tired, and we just want to go to bed. 

Who am I?

I walked into the Adoration Chapel to see everything except the Body of Christ covered with a purple cloth. As I gazed up to the covered crucifix, I thought about Jesus. 3 years. Only 3 years. He did so much in those years; healed so many people. 

Mary is covered, too. My heart aches for what she, as a mother, went through. She knew who He was, but did that ease her pain at all?

Then, it really hit me: He was a man. He ate, drank, slept as any man would. He had friends and He certainly had enemies. He had parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Isn't it inconceivable that God loves us so much that He allowed His son to become like us for a very short period? He allowed His son to be nailed to a cross for our sins.
It's just too much to wrap your head around. Who am I that He suffered for my sins? I am so not deserving. I am a sinner. I sin the same sins over and over again. And each time I sin, that nail is hammered through His hands and feet; that thorny crown is pushed a little further on His head. Mary's heart breaks just a little more as she witnesses what I've done to her son- - -her baby boy. 

And yet, it had to be. For us to gain eternal life, it had to be this way. What a sacrifice. What heartache Mary went through for us. FOR US.

No, we are not deserving. But God knows we are. We have the crucifix to remind us. I look at Him and think about the pain. And try to lessen it.

But I must try harder.

{SQT} Make This Advent Your Best Yet

I'm linking up with Kelly at This Ain't the Lyceum for Seven Quick Takes.

It's Advent. Just look around and you'll know that it's not Ordinary Time any more! Need some ideas on how to make this Advent the best yet?

Journals. I got one from Blessed is She, but I've also seen one from Heart of Mary Women Fellowship. Heck, you can even make your own. 

I printed off the Daily Readings for Advent, and added a few lines to each day. I take a few minutes at the beginning of the day, read, and reflect. I also get a few reflections in my email to get me going. I'll make notes, highlight, and/or circle. 

Advent Photo Challenge. Catholic Sistas is challenging us to post a picture/day.

Check your bulletin. My Parish is doing some cool things this Advent. Check and see what yours is doing; take the time to go.

Spend an hour a week in Eucharistic Adoration. Try it; you'll like it.

Attend or participate in a Taizé Prayer Service. I had the opportunity to participate with the choir last Monday. It was beautiful, even with the wind howling, causing some very strange sounds in the church. Jesus even swung on the crucifix a little bit. 

It's a prayer service with songs that are short & repetitive. It began with a sung prayer followed by a Responsorial Psalm, Gospel Reading, and another sung prayer. Then, we had 10 minutes of silent prayer followed by Intercessions, the Our Father, another prayer, and 2 more sung prayers. It was just so peaceful; I left the church with such peace, even though the wind was so nasty.

Take time to learn about your church. I'm talking about the building. Check and see if there's some literature about the building of the church; talk to someone who knows the history. 

Subscribe to special Advent programs that will be delivered to your email. Dynamic Catholic delivers short videos to your email every morning during Advent through The Best Advent Ever program. You'll get a very short video (around 2-3 minutes) that will give you something to think about during the day. Bishop Robert Barron has free daily Advent Reflections.

"He who sings prays twice". (St. Augustine) The Vigil Project has a 7-part video series going on right now. You can sign up for reminders of new videos to be delivered to your inbox.

{SQT} Adoration

Adoration. It's just an hour out of your life each week; an hour to really unwind and just be.

My old parish in SC started Perpetual Adoration just after we moved there. The idea is that you sign up for 1 hour/week, and (hopefully) there will be someone spending an hour with Jesus 24/7 until the 2nd coming. There were times when there would be 5 or more people in the chapel with me, and other times when I would be completely alone. If someone can't make it for their hour, there was an extensive sub list. Adoration was taken very seriously...they were all in. Jesus couldn't be left alone, so you stayed until the next person showed up. Before we moved away from SC, they made the concession to drape a cloth (I have no idea what it's called) over the tabernacle if you had to leave and the next person didn't show up. 

My current parish has Perpetual Adoration, but they don't seem to be "all in", which is really very sad. As disappointing as it is to walk into the chapel and see the doors of the tabernacle closed, it's very disheartening to have to close the doors because the person behind you doesn't show up and didn't get a sub. 

In SC, my Adoration time was right after work. There was one cold, damp day I went in, knelt down, and immediately could feel a sensation like a warm blanket being put over my shoulders. It was incredible.

Then there was the time when I went in and fell asleep. Okay, that happened more than once! The first time it happened I felt soooo bad. I mentioned it to my mom and told her I just kept thinking "Can you not even watch 1 hour with me", and she said that God knew I needed that time to rest, so not to feel bad. (My 3 boys were very young at that point and I worked full time, which means that, yes, I was very tired!) Another time when I feel asleep, I had my head on the back of my hand and ended up with a big red spot on my forehead. I can't imagine what the man who came in after me thought when he saw it!

There have been times when I could feel angels kneeling with me in prayer. Seriously. If you've ever had that feeling, you know what I'm talking about. What a comfort!

There's a book on Adoration (I wish I could remember the name of it because it is an amazing book!); it mentions that there have been no recorded instances of anything bad happening to anyone on the way to or from Adoration. That, to me, is just incredible. Out of all the people who take part in Adoration, there hasn't been 1 wreck, 1 mugging, NOTHING BAD has happened.

I was in Adoration last night, and, big surprise, I started to nod off. I swear someone nudged me to keep me awake. It felt like someone nudged my elbow and moved my hand so I wouldn't fall asleep. I have no doubt it was my Guardian Angel. 

Does your Parish have Adoration? If so, do you participate? If not, what's keeping you from committing?